by Jennifer Tong
“God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me.” (Job 23:16)
“Let all their evildoing come before you, and deal with them as you have dealt with me because of all my transgressions; for my groans are many, and my heart is faint.” (Lamentations 1:22)
Have you ever felt faint-hearted in life? Weary, weak, exhausted, discouraged, fearful? Perhaps you have to deal with failures in what matters most to you. Perhaps you’re in a season of grief and loss, and you don’t seem to find the strength to go on. Perhaps you’ve been betrayed, mistreated, or deeply hurt.
Have you ever felt faint-hearted in ESL ministry? Perhaps you don’t see any fruit after years of labouring. Perhaps you have to deal with sporadic attendance, and students not coming back after you have invested a lot in them. Perhaps your teaching has been criticized. And, at the start of a new year, dare I ask: could ‘faint-hearted’ describe what you’re feeling about your part in the ESL ministry?
I’ve been there. At the start of a new year, I’ve felt a lack of direction as the coordinator of the ESL program in our church, somewhat discouraged. I’ve felt weariness at the fact that after years of running the ministry, I have no idea what ‘fruit’ we might be producing. As a teacher, at the brink of starting lessons, I’ve often felt a weakness of soul – a kind of ‘reluctance’ to plunge into what I’ve prepared.
The Bible has a lot of encouragement for those who are faint-hearted or faint-spirited. The Lord knows that we are prone to weakness, and supplies just what we need. Consider a few verses:
“When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.” (Jonah 2:7)
“From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2)
“Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” (Hebrews 12:3)
“When my spirit faints within me, you know my way! In the path where I walk they have hidden a trap for me.” (Psalm 142:3)
And, of course, there is the famous verse:
“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
It seems that the ‘antidote’ to feeling ‘faint’ lies in remembering the Lord, waiting for the Lord, calling on Him, and ‘considering’ what Christ has suffered. Amidst the weariness, exhaustion and fear, we must direct our heart so that it ‘remembers’ the Lord, not ‘forgetting all His benefits’; so that it ‘waits for Him’, not rushing to our own conclusions and solutions; so that it ‘calls on Him’, even when He seems silent, and ‘consider’ Him who has endured so much more than we ever could. Above all, “When my spirit faints within me, you know my way!” When we are lost and disheartened, we surrender to Him and let Him direct us and carry us forward.
Are we willing to so discipline our hearts so that we take in the nourishment of His Word? Let us remember His goodness and His promises at the beginning of this year of ESL ministry.