By Allan Pole
I am, by nature, a shy introvert. It’s not that I dislike people. I wouldn’t want to live out the rest of my days in a cabin on a mountaintop. However, I have been hurt and let down by people. Even though I enjoy interacting and socializing, I get worn down if I don’t get to recharge my batteries in solitude.
I am tempted to read certain Bible passages and reason, “These words are for people that have different gifts or personalities than what I have.” The Apostle Peter writes to extroverts and introverts in 1 Peter 4:9, “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (NIV).
The term “hospitality” used in the Bible means “love of the stranger or alien.” Hospitality is one of the primary ways for us to demonstrate love to others. The love which Peter speaks of here is outward-looking and leads to readiness in giving to the needs of others. Giving is possible only because we have already received gifts from God.
Does being loving and open-hearted mean that we should trust everyone and be totally transparent with them? Jesus did not trust everyone, even though He was love personified (see John 2:23-25). Where there is no reason to trust and be open-hearted, there should be discretion and wisdom.
To be open-hearted is to be free to trust people when it is appropriate. A closed-hearted person withdraws and avoids being open with others because they have been hurt and they harbour unforgiveness.
Have you ever vowed not to trust people again? Such a vow will strangle your soul and lead you down the path to loneliness. Let the Holy Spirit bring healing to your heart where there have been hurts.
Here are some strategies for developing closer relationships in your church, workplace, school and community:
- Seek out others who need friends.
- Just be yourself.
- Find a method that works for you.
- As you talk with people be alert for common interests that can form the basis of a friendship.
- Working together on teams or service projects creates a spirit of camaraderie and strong bonds between coworkers.
- Ask the Lord to give you a welcoming heart, to help you overcome your shyness.
At the start of a new term for your ESL ministry, are you ready to apply some of these strategies? Are you known as someone with whom ESL friends find it easy to talk? Do you avoid getting to know new people? Open your heart to the newcomers in your midst—it is worth the risk!